Mad Men Recap - watch more funny videos
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon
The epic story of one man's encounter with what could be the most relentless murderer of all time.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
The BEST show on TV!!!!
Is not Mad Men, nor is it 30 Rock. It is Trailer Park Boys!!!
countdown to fucking Liquor Day!!!
countdown to fucking Liquor Day!!!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
We at the Desk bring you...
Fido.
Lionsgate presents "FIDO", starring Carrie Anne Moss, Billy Connolly, Tim Blake Nelson, and introducing K'Sun Ray. What begins as a small town story about a boy and his best friend becomes a biting satire about our world, the price of fear, and the rewards of risking love. FIDO will rip your heart out.
Lionsgate presents "FIDO", starring Carrie Anne Moss, Billy Connolly, Tim Blake Nelson, and introducing K'Sun Ray. What begins as a small town story about a boy and his best friend becomes a biting satire about our world, the price of fear, and the rewards of risking love. FIDO will rip your heart out.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
R.I.P. Patrick Swayze
Man, we here at the Desk are sure going to miss us some Patrick Swayze. Now it would be easy for us to point your viewing power towards say Roadhouse or Point Break but we are going to go a little off the beaten path and throw you towards....
We will you miss you young prince.
We will you miss you young prince.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Today we bring you...
Brain Candy!
A team of scientists working for a pharmaceutical company discovers a cure for depression. When the company finds itself in trouble financially, they rush the new drug into production without doing enough testing. Things seem to go fine until some of the users of the drug start slipping into comas. It becomes a race between the scientists who want to tell the world the truth and the company's marketing department who wants to protect their profit margin.
If you love the Kids in the Hall, you will love Brain Candy, but if you hate them, you will hate this. I am a big fan of the group and this is just like a very good episode that lasts 89 minutes with a bigger budget and more freedom than on television. Some characters like the hilarious Cancer Boy could never have been shown on TV. All the members of the group are there and they are as good as usual. I just don't get people who don't laugh at Kevin's(my favorite member) face when he plays the suicidal father of Chris or Mark as the "spiritual" cab driver. And just who could resist Scott as a man who refuses to accept the fact that he is gay. And Bruce has some of the best roles, such as the rock star and Cancer Boy. David Foley seems to have gotten the weakest characters, but he is still funny. His best moments are in episodes of the show, not in this. The absurd humor of the show is there, but it is a bit darker. And sure, the directing is not very subtle, but it gives that special Kids in the Hall feel that this movie had to have. And for those who have never seen material by The Kids in the Hall, I strongly suggest that you see this or episodes of their TV show, since they are just hilarious and you may very well get addicted to their unique kind of humor. Personally, I love them, and this movie is very funny in my humble opinion.
A team of scientists working for a pharmaceutical company discovers a cure for depression. When the company finds itself in trouble financially, they rush the new drug into production without doing enough testing. Things seem to go fine until some of the users of the drug start slipping into comas. It becomes a race between the scientists who want to tell the world the truth and the company's marketing department who wants to protect their profit margin.
If you love the Kids in the Hall, you will love Brain Candy, but if you hate them, you will hate this. I am a big fan of the group and this is just like a very good episode that lasts 89 minutes with a bigger budget and more freedom than on television. Some characters like the hilarious Cancer Boy could never have been shown on TV. All the members of the group are there and they are as good as usual. I just don't get people who don't laugh at Kevin's(my favorite member) face when he plays the suicidal father of Chris or Mark as the "spiritual" cab driver. And just who could resist Scott as a man who refuses to accept the fact that he is gay. And Bruce has some of the best roles, such as the rock star and Cancer Boy. David Foley seems to have gotten the weakest characters, but he is still funny. His best moments are in episodes of the show, not in this. The absurd humor of the show is there, but it is a bit darker. And sure, the directing is not very subtle, but it gives that special Kids in the Hall feel that this movie had to have. And for those who have never seen material by The Kids in the Hall, I strongly suggest that you see this or episodes of their TV show, since they are just hilarious and you may very well get addicted to their unique kind of humor. Personally, I love them, and this movie is very funny in my humble opinion.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
The Greatest Film of All Time
About a killer penis.
Strange thing is it is actually not a horrible movie and there is not a whole lot of sex in the film.
If you see it coming, you're already dead.
Ron: How you feel, that's what matters. Look at me. I don't look like a porn star, except for my cock. But I play the fool, and I get the joke. I'm in on it, and that makes it kind of hip. And I try to bring a different character into every role that I play. And that gives me confidence. But I can't suck my own dick any more.
Veronica: Awww, sweetie, I'm sorry.
Ron: With the added weight and the back pains, all I can do is kiss the tip.
Strange thing is it is actually not a horrible movie and there is not a whole lot of sex in the film.
If you see it coming, you're already dead.
Ron: How you feel, that's what matters. Look at me. I don't look like a porn star, except for my cock. But I play the fool, and I get the joke. I'm in on it, and that makes it kind of hip. And I try to bring a different character into every role that I play. And that gives me confidence. But I can't suck my own dick any more.
Veronica: Awww, sweetie, I'm sorry.
Ron: With the added weight and the back pains, all I can do is kiss the tip.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Today The Desk Brings you...
Frankenhooker. Looking for some action? Wanna Date?
If you're a tiny bit familiar with the more light-headed and grotesque 80's horror cheese, the name Frank Hennenlotter won't sound new to you. "Basket Case" and "Brain Damage" are classics that prove creativity and dynamic motivation are actually all that is needed in order to make a fresh-looking horror film. Another triumph of ingeniousness in Hennenlotter's career is this "Frankenhooker". His most comic and personal film to date. It looks like slapstick, yet with a fair amount of gore, but it never at one point becomes entirely ridiculous or dumb. It's actually hysterical and imaginative (unless you're one of the humorless critics like so many on this review-list). A young electrician/brain surgeon (funny combination, isn't it?) loses his girl in a nasty lawnmower accident. Now, that thing alone actually made me chuckle! He wants to resurrect her, but since most of her body got hacked up, he has to collect new "parts". And where better to find those but in the red-light district of New Jersey. Naturally, both the preparations as the operation itself go horribly wrong and the 'hero' has to face absurd consequences. Like few other directors can manage, Frank Hennenlotter inserts his trademarks and typical styles. Frankenhooker is silly, but also very imaginative (exploding whores, anyone?) and it doesn't feature one dull moment. Hennenlotter surely was one of the most talented and self-educated directors in the horror industry. If he would have slightly more movies, I'm sure he would now enjoy a more justified status. I keep on hearing he will return in 2005 with a project called "Sick in the Head". Well I, for one, really hope it's true.
In a blaze of blood, bones, and body parts, the vivacious young girl was instantly reduced to a tossed human salad... a salad that police are still trying to gather up... a salad that was once named Elizabeth.
If you're a tiny bit familiar with the more light-headed and grotesque 80's horror cheese, the name Frank Hennenlotter won't sound new to you. "Basket Case" and "Brain Damage" are classics that prove creativity and dynamic motivation are actually all that is needed in order to make a fresh-looking horror film. Another triumph of ingeniousness in Hennenlotter's career is this "Frankenhooker". His most comic and personal film to date. It looks like slapstick, yet with a fair amount of gore, but it never at one point becomes entirely ridiculous or dumb. It's actually hysterical and imaginative (unless you're one of the humorless critics like so many on this review-list). A young electrician/brain surgeon (funny combination, isn't it?) loses his girl in a nasty lawnmower accident. Now, that thing alone actually made me chuckle! He wants to resurrect her, but since most of her body got hacked up, he has to collect new "parts". And where better to find those but in the red-light district of New Jersey. Naturally, both the preparations as the operation itself go horribly wrong and the 'hero' has to face absurd consequences. Like few other directors can manage, Frank Hennenlotter inserts his trademarks and typical styles. Frankenhooker is silly, but also very imaginative (exploding whores, anyone?) and it doesn't feature one dull moment. Hennenlotter surely was one of the most talented and self-educated directors in the horror industry. If he would have slightly more movies, I'm sure he would now enjoy a more justified status. I keep on hearing he will return in 2005 with a project called "Sick in the Head". Well I, for one, really hope it's true.
In a blaze of blood, bones, and body parts, the vivacious young girl was instantly reduced to a tossed human salad... a salad that police are still trying to gather up... a salad that was once named Elizabeth.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Forgotten film of the day
Today we at the Desk salute "Cool As Ice". Staring Vanilla Ice himself along with Michael Gross of Family Ties and Tremors fame and the always amazing hott Kristin Minter. How the hell this film gets a 2.2/10 rating on IMDB boggles my mind. It is an absolute classic. The film is shot in same strange visual style that "Parker Louis Can't Lose" was it screams 1991 because that seemed to be the only year it was popular. Also this is yet another movie on this list that includes Deezer D AKA Stab Master Arson in the cast. Strange?
I will leave you with words of a genius.
I will leave you with words of a genius.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Are you kidding me!!!!
We here at the Desk find this to be our new favorite upcoming film!
This looks amazing. I can't see if this is coming to Theaters but apparently it comes out on DVD in November
This looks amazing. I can't see if this is coming to Theaters but apparently it comes out on DVD in November
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Forgotten movie of the Day
FEAR OF A BLACK HAT
This film is one of our favorites here at the desk. Staring Larry B Scott, better known as Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds and Rusty Cundieff who later went on to do alot of work on Chapelle Show. Of course it also has Desk Fav Deezer D in it so you know its gonna be good.
My Peanuts video
New Human Formantics
This film is one of our favorites here at the desk. Staring Larry B Scott, better known as Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds and Rusty Cundieff who later went on to do alot of work on Chapelle Show. Of course it also has Desk Fav Deezer D in it so you know its gonna be good.
My Peanuts video
New Human Formantics
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Boondock Saints was a terrible fucking movie!
That being said and out of the way the Desk brings you Boondock Saints 2: Sean Patrick Flanery is in need of money for crack. Honestly that guy looks like he has aged 40 years!
Now lets talk about why Boondock Saints Blows.
Why exactly would two Russian gangsters go into a semi-abandoned building, find their targets sleeping alone in a room, then take only one of them OUTSIDE INTO BROAD DAY LIGHT to be executed? It doesn't matter whether or not a person can rip a toilet off the floor OR jump off a 5-story building killing two "bad" people while not touching the third "good" person; any idiot could see that they would have just been killed there in the room, out of sight, with no witnesses. Furthermore, I believe Ivan or Igor (or whatever the cliched name used) said something along the lines of "...instead i'll let you watch me kill your brother." how is he supposed to watch him kill his brother if he takes him down four flights of stairs, then outside, while connor is still face-down in a toilet?
The whole six-gun/vs. machine gun debate is also moot in my book because if we (the audience) are to believe that the brothers can murder 9 people while dangling upside down from a string (a point of humor addressed in the dialogue, granted) are we to believe that the apparently “most F-ed up maniac” professional hitman would stand outside (again in BROAD DAYLIGHT) missing all three people corralled into a confined area, then those same THREE PEOPLE missing one single upright target? Flesh wounds? Is that it? It reminds me of every hokey space movie of lazer beams flying everywhere but at their target. [Also, why does an Irish hitman, (who -according to the self-righteous theoretical intention of wiping out evil men- would have been more likely to kill mobsters, not work for them) go by the Italian name of “Il Duche” (the duke/leader) used by Mussolini? An ascribe by the mob does not fit. It sounds like the writer couldn't think of any "cool" nicknames.]
For that matter, if the brothers go to kill the people in the billiard room (apparently the victims were getting ready to play their weekly poker game) my question is this: WHO THE F- plays poker with their friends at 3:30 in the afternoon? Isn’t the whole point of poker with your friends to go out, get drunk, and bust your friends’ balls until all hours of the night, then stumble out just as the sun is coming up? It was little points like these that maddened me, thinking I was suckered by one of my friends who told me this was a great movie. Was I watching the same film? Did I get the title wrong? Nope, even the teenaged girl at Best Buy who rang me up said “Oooo! Great movie!” Are you kidding me? You are all diseased.
I will leave you with some lines from Troy Duffy Himself.
Now lets talk about why Boondock Saints Blows.
Why exactly would two Russian gangsters go into a semi-abandoned building, find their targets sleeping alone in a room, then take only one of them OUTSIDE INTO BROAD DAY LIGHT to be executed? It doesn't matter whether or not a person can rip a toilet off the floor OR jump off a 5-story building killing two "bad" people while not touching the third "good" person; any idiot could see that they would have just been killed there in the room, out of sight, with no witnesses. Furthermore, I believe Ivan or Igor (or whatever the cliched name used) said something along the lines of "...instead i'll let you watch me kill your brother." how is he supposed to watch him kill his brother if he takes him down four flights of stairs, then outside, while connor is still face-down in a toilet?
The whole six-gun/vs. machine gun debate is also moot in my book because if we (the audience) are to believe that the brothers can murder 9 people while dangling upside down from a string (a point of humor addressed in the dialogue, granted) are we to believe that the apparently “most F-ed up maniac” professional hitman would stand outside (again in BROAD DAYLIGHT) missing all three people corralled into a confined area, then those same THREE PEOPLE missing one single upright target? Flesh wounds? Is that it? It reminds me of every hokey space movie of lazer beams flying everywhere but at their target. [Also, why does an Irish hitman, (who -according to the self-righteous theoretical intention of wiping out evil men- would have been more likely to kill mobsters, not work for them) go by the Italian name of “Il Duche” (the duke/leader) used by Mussolini? An ascribe by the mob does not fit. It sounds like the writer couldn't think of any "cool" nicknames.]
For that matter, if the brothers go to kill the people in the billiard room (apparently the victims were getting ready to play their weekly poker game) my question is this: WHO THE F- plays poker with their friends at 3:30 in the afternoon? Isn’t the whole point of poker with your friends to go out, get drunk, and bust your friends’ balls until all hours of the night, then stumble out just as the sun is coming up? It was little points like these that maddened me, thinking I was suckered by one of my friends who told me this was a great movie. Was I watching the same film? Did I get the title wrong? Nope, even the teenaged girl at Best Buy who rang me up said “Oooo! Great movie!” Are you kidding me? You are all diseased.
I will leave you with some lines from Troy Duffy Himself.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Fuck the iPhone
apparently that is the point of this video. We here at the Desk are not calling for an Apple ban, but apparently some people are.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Furniture commercial time!!!!
Come see the special man.
Get a chicken box with purchase
Rappin' furniture man
Who's down with PCP!
Get a chicken box with purchase
Rappin' furniture man
Who's down with PCP!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Old School Weekend
Let's get this party rollin'. Here's the newest of the oldest Hip Hop jams. Hey Soulja Boy here's what you should be listening too.
Bonus, do you know what all these videos have in common?
Answer: There dope!
Bonus, do you know what all these videos have in common?
Answer: There dope!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Welcome to Cleveland
Shaquille O'Neal holds a giant panda on his lap at the Panda Breeding Research Center in Chengdu, southwest China's Sichuan province on July 16, 2009. Shaq had earlier visited China's famed Shaolin Temple, the birthplace of Chinese kung fu, and said he was hoping to improve his martial arts skills and bring them to the basketball court.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
THE legendary Lebron Dunk
LAS VEGAS -- Considering TMZ managed to land pictures of Steve McNair and his mistress (plus all sorts of never-before-seen shots of Michael Jackson's house and family), it was only a matter of time before it got its hands on footage of Xavier's Jordan Crawford dunking on LeBron James.
That time has come.
"LeBron's people and Nike reportedly confiscated all video proof of the moment LeBron got taken to the HOLE -- but we finally found the one SURVIVING copy of the moment LeBron became LeBitch," reads the story at TMZ.com, and I couldn't begin to tell you why the word surviving is in all caps, but whatever. "And [the tape is] awesome!!!"
That's awesome with three exclamation points, it should be noted.
Hopefully, the dunk will match the hype.
But honestly, how could it?
\Click here to see the footage
That time has come.
"LeBron's people and Nike reportedly confiscated all video proof of the moment LeBron got taken to the HOLE -- but we finally found the one SURVIVING copy of the moment LeBron became LeBitch," reads the story at TMZ.com, and I couldn't begin to tell you why the word surviving is in all caps, but whatever. "And [the tape is] awesome!!!"
That's awesome with three exclamation points, it should be noted.
Hopefully, the dunk will match the hype.
But honestly, how could it?
\Click here to see the footage
Monday, July 20, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
The Commies won't shake Obama's hand???
Amazing!!
Here is Obama getting snubbed in Saudi Arabia
Which is amazing that they would not shake his hand even after he "bowed" to the Saudi King. For the first time in our history, our "President" Bowed to his supreme ruler.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Old School Saturday
We here at the Desk are trying to keep true hip hop alive by reminding these young cats who the true hip hop stars are. First up the man who gets paid in sex Special Ed.
Next up is D-NICE who helped give Kid Rock his start.
And will end this edition with a little Oran "Juice" Jones. There is some new version of this song but it cannot hang with the original. There just like a squirrel trying to get a nut.
Next up is D-NICE who helped give Kid Rock his start.
And will end this edition with a little Oran "Juice" Jones. There is some new version of this song but it cannot hang with the original. There just like a squirrel trying to get a nut.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
R.I.P. Moonwalker
Moonwalking with Jesus
Culkin weeps remembering
King of Pop bromance
Here at the Desk we are a little sadder today because our brother M.J. Died today. I thought the guy was going to live forever, he will in our hearts. Here are our favorite M.J. Jams.
and a bonus unreleased jam.
Rest in peace our friend.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Savannah Cats are cool
That last one jumps high as hell, to bad his owner wears socks with sandals. douche.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Barney Frank does something right for once
Frank introduces bill to decriminalize personal marijuana
by AmbroseBurnside
Frank introduces bill to decriminalize personal marijuana
Fri Jun 19, 2009 at 01:23:00 PM PDT
I have been very impressed with Rep. Barney Frank as of late due to his passionate defense of personal freedoms.
Originally this admiration stemmed from his introduction of H.R. 2267: Internet Gambling Regulation, Consumer Protection, and Enforcement Act, which would tackle an issue very near and dear to my heart, but just today, Rep. Frank has introduced a bill that would federally decriminalize possession and transfer of personal amounts of marijuana.
* AmbroseBurnside's diary :: ::
*
This legislation, titled H.R.2943: The Personal Use of Marijuana by Responsible Adults Act of 2009, would decriminalize the possession of up to 3.5oz of marijuana and allow the transfer (not-for-profit) of up to 1oz without federal penalty.
I don't personally smoke marijuana, but I have no problem whatsoever with people doing things within the privacy of their own homes that have no negative effect on anyone other than the user (and even the negative effect of marijuana is very debatable).
I've also seen what the failed "War on Drugs" has turned our country into: a society bought and paid for by the prison industry. We have more prisoners behind bars than any other country on Earth, even authoritarian China. Too many of these people are locked up for non-violent drug-related offenses. The money we could save by forgoing the pointless detention of marijuana-users could be a boon to the cause of universal healthcare.
So far Frank's bill has four cosponsors:
Rep Baldwin, Tammy [WI-2]
Rep Hinchey, Maurice D. [NY-22]
Rep Paul, Ron [TX-14]
Rep Rohrabacher, Dana [CA-46]
There is no doubt that this will be a hard sell to Congress, whose members have taken millions and millions from private prison operators. Corrections Corporation of America is just one example:
title=
However, what are we if we're not fighters for individual freedom and liberty. We may not have the clout of the prison industry and casino industry with their high powered lobbyists, but there are millions of Americans that safely and responsibly enjoy smoking marijuana and millions of Americans that safely and responsibly enjoy playing poker on the internet. Together, we can be powerful advocates for change. So, please, if you support the rights of Americans to be free from government interference while in their homes, call your member of Congress and ask them to support Frank's H.Rs 2943 and 2267.
by AmbroseBurnside
Frank introduces bill to decriminalize personal marijuana
Fri Jun 19, 2009 at 01:23:00 PM PDT
I have been very impressed with Rep. Barney Frank as of late due to his passionate defense of personal freedoms.
Originally this admiration stemmed from his introduction of H.R. 2267: Internet Gambling Regulation, Consumer Protection, and Enforcement Act, which would tackle an issue very near and dear to my heart, but just today, Rep. Frank has introduced a bill that would federally decriminalize possession and transfer of personal amounts of marijuana.
* AmbroseBurnside's diary :: ::
*
This legislation, titled H.R.2943: The Personal Use of Marijuana by Responsible Adults Act of 2009, would decriminalize the possession of up to 3.5oz of marijuana and allow the transfer (not-for-profit) of up to 1oz without federal penalty.
I don't personally smoke marijuana, but I have no problem whatsoever with people doing things within the privacy of their own homes that have no negative effect on anyone other than the user (and even the negative effect of marijuana is very debatable).
I've also seen what the failed "War on Drugs" has turned our country into: a society bought and paid for by the prison industry. We have more prisoners behind bars than any other country on Earth, even authoritarian China. Too many of these people are locked up for non-violent drug-related offenses. The money we could save by forgoing the pointless detention of marijuana-users could be a boon to the cause of universal healthcare.
So far Frank's bill has four cosponsors:
Rep Baldwin, Tammy [WI-2]
Rep Hinchey, Maurice D. [NY-22]
Rep Paul, Ron [TX-14]
Rep Rohrabacher, Dana [CA-46]
There is no doubt that this will be a hard sell to Congress, whose members have taken millions and millions from private prison operators. Corrections Corporation of America is just one example:
title=
However, what are we if we're not fighters for individual freedom and liberty. We may not have the clout of the prison industry and casino industry with their high powered lobbyists, but there are millions of Americans that safely and responsibly enjoy smoking marijuana and millions of Americans that safely and responsibly enjoy playing poker on the internet. Together, we can be powerful advocates for change. So, please, if you support the rights of Americans to be free from government interference while in their homes, call your member of Congress and ask them to support Frank's H.Rs 2943 and 2267.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Must See Movies
Here are a couple movies we at the Desk believe are overlooked classics. Please judge for yourself.
Toledo Mayor
I'm sorry but Carty is a giant master. Who doesn't love this guy. If you disagree with him he will punch you right in the mouth.
Let's praise Carty. He walked the neighborhood at his own discretion without any entourage in tow - a rarity among among urban mayors. He noticed an escating fight and personally intervened - putting himself in great physical jeopardy in the process. Can you imagine Kwame or Mayor Daley personally breaking up a neighborhood fight? No way. Carty could easily have phoned police from a distance and kept walking. He chose otherwise.
On this next clip, i'm sorry but you just can't park in front of your house. The one person just parks in his front lawn then wonders why he got a ticket. Just pure trash.
of course Fox doesn't look at all the cases. The one guy is parking in his front lawn, am I the only one seeing that.
Let's praise Carty. He walked the neighborhood at his own discretion without any entourage in tow - a rarity among among urban mayors. He noticed an escating fight and personally intervened - putting himself in great physical jeopardy in the process. Can you imagine Kwame or Mayor Daley personally breaking up a neighborhood fight? No way. Carty could easily have phoned police from a distance and kept walking. He chose otherwise.
On this next clip, i'm sorry but you just can't park in front of your house. The one person just parks in his front lawn then wonders why he got a ticket. Just pure trash.
of course Fox doesn't look at all the cases. The one guy is parking in his front lawn, am I the only one seeing that.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
SIX FLAGS NEW RESTRUCTURING PLANS
BANZAI7 NEWS--Six Flags, the big theme park operator, filed for bankruptcy in early Saturday morning in Delaware after failing to reach an agreement with lenders over a plan to reorganize its debt outside of court.
Six Flags's proposed a reorganization plan that includes exciting new attractions with timely financial services themes including:
HANK AND BEN'S SUBPRIME FRIGHT NIGHT COASTER
HANK AND BEN'S SUBPRIME FRIGHT NIGHT COASTER will transform guests into seedy citizens of Wall Street, where they find themselves caught in the middle of a city under siege and torn apart by Alan Greenspan the fractional reserve Riddler and Milton Friedman, the cruel free market Joker. Venturing through demented hallways of twisted derivative trades, oblique policy turns and hallucinatory correlations, riders speed through six 180-degree DJIA hairpin's, climb unseen hills of toxic assets, plunge into pitch balance sheet darkness and dip into unforeseen "Black Swan" like outlier dangers.
VIKRAM BANDIT'S BIG SPIN
Vikram Bandit's Big Spin — A Gerstlauer PR spinning coaster, "this unique public relations spinning coaster gives riders the opportunity to defy the laws of financial services gravity just like Vikram Bandit, the memo bloviating legend himself. With random and unpredictable verbal twists and techno-babbling spins at each market dip and turn, this CITI bailout sponsored coaster offers a unique ride experience for all stakeholders every time."
LLOYD BLANKFEIN'S WIGGLE OUT WORLD
"BLANKFEIN'S Wiggle Out World is designed to leverage and wiggle Goldman Sach's out of a hair raising squeeze using its world-wide recognition and status among financial regulators and policy makers ages 2-6, featuring rides, shows and attractions the entire United States Financial Services regulatory family can enjoy. The new area will include specially themed Goldman Wiggle out rides, including Hank Paulsens's Big Bailout Car and Steve Friedman's Big Red Escape Plane rides, as well as a new Timmy G Toxic Turd retail location and a Larry Sommers Yummy Dummy Investor Cafe. In addition, The Goldman Wiggles are scheduled to appear at the park on a to-be-announced date in 2009. The Great Wall Street Escape also will debut a thrilling new waterslide, Wild AIG Wedgie, in its Subprime Derivative Splashwater Kingdom water park."
ALAN THE MAESTRO'S INVERTED YIELD COASTER
Maestro's Ultimate Inverted Yield Curve Coaster — "Adding a powerful new dimension of twisted monetary thrill's to an already irrationally exuberant coaster line-up, Maestro IYC will feature a unique radiating blue steel track and high-speed yellow and blue trains that suspend riders from short and long term coaster tracks. Once aboard the suspended 28-passenger interest rate trains, the bottom drops out from beneath the riders and they soar out of the real estate asset bubble station four abreast to experience spine-tingling gravitational market forces and the sensation of racing totally unregulated at 80 mph with nothing beneath their 401k feet but cloudy sky."
GLOW IN THE DARK TOXIC ASSET PARADE
Glow in the Dark Toxic Asset Parade at Six Flags Great Subprime Adventure "Six Flags is taking the asset backed security parade concept to new subprime levels as bull market drummers, shyster bankers, political puppeteers, psychotic quants, crooked mortgage brokers, unscrupulous real estate brokers, and kinetic regulatory stilt walkers bring the park streets to life with an unparalleled nighttime financial fantasyland of interest only mortgages, riskless securities, pay option loans, no document loans, VAR fantasy lights and bear trade commotion. Glow in the Park Toxic Asset Parade features the latest quantitative finance technology, state-of-the-art collateralized debt floats and special credit enhancement effects with thousands of sparkling rating agency lights adorning every element of this uniquely themed toxic asset parade."
BERNIE THE PONZI ENGINEER
Bernie the Ponzi Engineer — This attraction entertains sophisticatedly naive investors of all ages, offering wealthy retiree's, brainless asset managers and SEC enforcement attorneys a ponziesque train ride through Bernie's mythical trading room on the French Riviera Island of Absolute Returns, Bernie-themed play areas, and appearances by Clown Commissioner Christopher Cox, Controller of the SEC's ponzi sanctioned Railway, who will pose for photos and greet visiting investors. A Bernie & Friends store located within the areas will feature an assortment of pre-owned Palm Beach merchandise.
DICK FULD'S ROOM FULL OF SMOKE & MIRRORS
Dick Fuld's Room Full of Smoke & Mirrors takes the financial smoke and mirror funhouse concept to the absolute last minute. Packed full of opaque accounting tricks, toxic asset hazards, valuation illusions, securitisation fakirs, shifty Korean and Arab investors, short selling bogeymen chasing bikini clad CFO's and a Mega subprime CDS ticking time bomb, Dick Fuld's Room Full of Mirror's will leave spectators young and old totally unbailed.
HANK GREENBERG'S HOUSE OF AIG HORRORS
Perhaps the scariest attraction ever created, Hank Greenberg's House of AIG horrors will not be beat. Packed full of all manner of subprime ghouls, vampire toxic asset salesmen, financial skeletons, CEO ghosts, litigous zombies, blood thirsty regulators and Goldman Sachs derivative traders, Hank will make sure your NAV will never see the light of bailout day. Sandy Weil says: "I thought I had the systemic house of horrors racket cornered, but Hank Greenberg beat me to the bailout punch."
Six Flags's proposed a reorganization plan that includes exciting new attractions with timely financial services themes including:
HANK AND BEN'S SUBPRIME FRIGHT NIGHT COASTER
HANK AND BEN'S SUBPRIME FRIGHT NIGHT COASTER will transform guests into seedy citizens of Wall Street, where they find themselves caught in the middle of a city under siege and torn apart by Alan Greenspan the fractional reserve Riddler and Milton Friedman, the cruel free market Joker. Venturing through demented hallways of twisted derivative trades, oblique policy turns and hallucinatory correlations, riders speed through six 180-degree DJIA hairpin's, climb unseen hills of toxic assets, plunge into pitch balance sheet darkness and dip into unforeseen "Black Swan" like outlier dangers.
VIKRAM BANDIT'S BIG SPIN
Vikram Bandit's Big Spin — A Gerstlauer PR spinning coaster, "this unique public relations spinning coaster gives riders the opportunity to defy the laws of financial services gravity just like Vikram Bandit, the memo bloviating legend himself. With random and unpredictable verbal twists and techno-babbling spins at each market dip and turn, this CITI bailout sponsored coaster offers a unique ride experience for all stakeholders every time."
LLOYD BLANKFEIN'S WIGGLE OUT WORLD
"BLANKFEIN'S Wiggle Out World is designed to leverage and wiggle Goldman Sach's out of a hair raising squeeze using its world-wide recognition and status among financial regulators and policy makers ages 2-6, featuring rides, shows and attractions the entire United States Financial Services regulatory family can enjoy. The new area will include specially themed Goldman Wiggle out rides, including Hank Paulsens's Big Bailout Car and Steve Friedman's Big Red Escape Plane rides, as well as a new Timmy G Toxic Turd retail location and a Larry Sommers Yummy Dummy Investor Cafe. In addition, The Goldman Wiggles are scheduled to appear at the park on a to-be-announced date in 2009. The Great Wall Street Escape also will debut a thrilling new waterslide, Wild AIG Wedgie, in its Subprime Derivative Splashwater Kingdom water park."
ALAN THE MAESTRO'S INVERTED YIELD COASTER
Maestro's Ultimate Inverted Yield Curve Coaster — "Adding a powerful new dimension of twisted monetary thrill's to an already irrationally exuberant coaster line-up, Maestro IYC will feature a unique radiating blue steel track and high-speed yellow and blue trains that suspend riders from short and long term coaster tracks. Once aboard the suspended 28-passenger interest rate trains, the bottom drops out from beneath the riders and they soar out of the real estate asset bubble station four abreast to experience spine-tingling gravitational market forces and the sensation of racing totally unregulated at 80 mph with nothing beneath their 401k feet but cloudy sky."
GLOW IN THE DARK TOXIC ASSET PARADE
Glow in the Dark Toxic Asset Parade at Six Flags Great Subprime Adventure "Six Flags is taking the asset backed security parade concept to new subprime levels as bull market drummers, shyster bankers, political puppeteers, psychotic quants, crooked mortgage brokers, unscrupulous real estate brokers, and kinetic regulatory stilt walkers bring the park streets to life with an unparalleled nighttime financial fantasyland of interest only mortgages, riskless securities, pay option loans, no document loans, VAR fantasy lights and bear trade commotion. Glow in the Park Toxic Asset Parade features the latest quantitative finance technology, state-of-the-art collateralized debt floats and special credit enhancement effects with thousands of sparkling rating agency lights adorning every element of this uniquely themed toxic asset parade."
BERNIE THE PONZI ENGINEER
Bernie the Ponzi Engineer — This attraction entertains sophisticatedly naive investors of all ages, offering wealthy retiree's, brainless asset managers and SEC enforcement attorneys a ponziesque train ride through Bernie's mythical trading room on the French Riviera Island of Absolute Returns, Bernie-themed play areas, and appearances by Clown Commissioner Christopher Cox, Controller of the SEC's ponzi sanctioned Railway, who will pose for photos and greet visiting investors. A Bernie & Friends store located within the areas will feature an assortment of pre-owned Palm Beach merchandise.
DICK FULD'S ROOM FULL OF SMOKE & MIRRORS
Dick Fuld's Room Full of Smoke & Mirrors takes the financial smoke and mirror funhouse concept to the absolute last minute. Packed full of opaque accounting tricks, toxic asset hazards, valuation illusions, securitisation fakirs, shifty Korean and Arab investors, short selling bogeymen chasing bikini clad CFO's and a Mega subprime CDS ticking time bomb, Dick Fuld's Room Full of Mirror's will leave spectators young and old totally unbailed.
HANK GREENBERG'S HOUSE OF AIG HORRORS
Perhaps the scariest attraction ever created, Hank Greenberg's House of AIG horrors will not be beat. Packed full of all manner of subprime ghouls, vampire toxic asset salesmen, financial skeletons, CEO ghosts, litigous zombies, blood thirsty regulators and Goldman Sachs derivative traders, Hank will make sure your NAV will never see the light of bailout day. Sandy Weil says: "I thought I had the systemic house of horrors racket cornered, but Hank Greenberg beat me to the bailout punch."
Monday, June 15, 2009
New Michael Moore Movie
Now personally we at the Desk are not very fond of this Michael Moore fella, but we tended to strangly agree with him pretty heavily on his thoughts on the bailout. This makes us interested in this new movie.
On a unrelated subject you can get your Dublin Dr. Pepper hereThey sell real Dr. Pepper from the original formula.
On a unrelated subject you can get your Dublin Dr. Pepper hereThey sell real Dr. Pepper from the original formula.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Joe Biden: A short history of political blunders
Is it just me or is Joe Biden making Dan Quayle seem like a genius. Just check out this list of blunders, and he has only been V.P. for a few months. When is the Biden Blunder book coming out?
-- On March 13, 2009, Biden addressed a former Senate colleague by saying, "An hour late, oh give me a f**king break," after he arrived on Amtrak at Union Station in Washington, D.C. The vice president's expletive was caught on a live microphone.
-- During a Feb. 25, 2009, interview on CBS' "Early Show," Biden encouraged viewers to visit a government-run Web site that tracks stimulus spending. When asked for the site's web address, Biden could not remember the site's "number."
"You know, I'm embarrassed. Do you know the Web site number?" he asked an aide standing out of view. "I should have it in front of me and I don't. I'm actually embarrassed."
-- At a Jan. 30, 2009, swearing-in ceremony of senior White House staff, Biden mocked Chief Justice John Roberts for his presidential oath blunder on Inauguration Day.
"Am I doing this again?" Biden said, after Obama asked him to administer the oath. When Biden was told the swearing-in was for senior staff -- and not cabinet members -- the vice president quipped, "My memory is not as good as Justice Roberts," prompting a stern nudge from Obama.
-- On Inauguration Day, Jan. 20 2009, Biden misspoke when he told a cheering crowd of supporters, "Jill and I had the great honor of standing on that stage, looking across at one of the great justices, Justice Stewart." Justice John Paul Stevens -- not Stewart -- swore Biden in as vice president.
-- When criticizing former GOP nominee John McCain in Athens, Ohio, on Oct. 15, 2008, Biden said, "Look, John's last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs."
-- In a Sept. 22, 2008, CBS interview, Biden misspoke when he said Franklin D. Roosevelt was president when the stock market crashed in 1929.
"When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened," he said. Herbert Hoover -- not Roosevelt -- was president in 1929, and television had not yet been invented in 1929.
-- During a Sept. 12, 2008, speech in Columbia, Mo., Biden called for Missouri State Sen. Chuck Graham, who is wheelchair-bound, to "stand up."
"Oh, God love ya," Biden said, after realizing his mistake. "What am I talking about?"
-- At a Sept. 10, 2008, town hall meeting in Nashua, N.H., Biden said, "Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America. Quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me."
-- Biden mistakenly referred to Alaska governor Sarah Palin as the "lieutenant governor" of her state during a town hall meeting on Sept. 4, 2008 at George Mason University in Manassas, Va.
"I heard a very, by the way I mean this sincerely, a very strong and a very good political speech from a lieutenant governor of Alaska who I think is going to be very formidable, very formidable not only in the campaign but in the debate," Biden said.
-- Biden said he was running for president -- not vice president -- during a Sept. 1, 2008, roundtable discussion in Scranton, Pa.
"Today is the moment for me as a United States senator running for president to put aside the national politics and focus on what's happening down there," Biden said.
-- Biden referred to John McCain as "George" during his vice presidential acceptance speech on Aug. 27, 2008, at the Democratic National Convention in Denver, Co. "Freudian slip, folks, Freudian slip," he explained.
-- Biden confused army brigades with battalions when speaking about Obama's plan for sending troops to Afghanistan.
"Or should we trust Barack Obama, who more than a year ago called for sending two additional combat brigades to Afghanistan?"
-- During his first campaign rally with Obama as his vice presidential running mate on Aug. 23, 2008, Biden introduced Obama by saying, "A man I'm proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next President of the United States -- Barack America!"
-- On Jan. 31, 2007 -- the day Biden announced his presidential bid -- the Delaware Senator was roundly criticized for calling Obama "the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man."
-- On March 13, 2009, Biden addressed a former Senate colleague by saying, "An hour late, oh give me a f**king break," after he arrived on Amtrak at Union Station in Washington, D.C. The vice president's expletive was caught on a live microphone.
-- During a Feb. 25, 2009, interview on CBS' "Early Show," Biden encouraged viewers to visit a government-run Web site that tracks stimulus spending. When asked for the site's web address, Biden could not remember the site's "number."
"You know, I'm embarrassed. Do you know the Web site number?" he asked an aide standing out of view. "I should have it in front of me and I don't. I'm actually embarrassed."
-- At a Jan. 30, 2009, swearing-in ceremony of senior White House staff, Biden mocked Chief Justice John Roberts for his presidential oath blunder on Inauguration Day.
"Am I doing this again?" Biden said, after Obama asked him to administer the oath. When Biden was told the swearing-in was for senior staff -- and not cabinet members -- the vice president quipped, "My memory is not as good as Justice Roberts," prompting a stern nudge from Obama.
-- On Inauguration Day, Jan. 20 2009, Biden misspoke when he told a cheering crowd of supporters, "Jill and I had the great honor of standing on that stage, looking across at one of the great justices, Justice Stewart." Justice John Paul Stevens -- not Stewart -- swore Biden in as vice president.
-- When criticizing former GOP nominee John McCain in Athens, Ohio, on Oct. 15, 2008, Biden said, "Look, John's last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs."
-- In a Sept. 22, 2008, CBS interview, Biden misspoke when he said Franklin D. Roosevelt was president when the stock market crashed in 1929.
"When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened," he said. Herbert Hoover -- not Roosevelt -- was president in 1929, and television had not yet been invented in 1929.
-- During a Sept. 12, 2008, speech in Columbia, Mo., Biden called for Missouri State Sen. Chuck Graham, who is wheelchair-bound, to "stand up."
"Oh, God love ya," Biden said, after realizing his mistake. "What am I talking about?"
-- At a Sept. 10, 2008, town hall meeting in Nashua, N.H., Biden said, "Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America. Quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me."
-- Biden mistakenly referred to Alaska governor Sarah Palin as the "lieutenant governor" of her state during a town hall meeting on Sept. 4, 2008 at George Mason University in Manassas, Va.
"I heard a very, by the way I mean this sincerely, a very strong and a very good political speech from a lieutenant governor of Alaska who I think is going to be very formidable, very formidable not only in the campaign but in the debate," Biden said.
-- Biden said he was running for president -- not vice president -- during a Sept. 1, 2008, roundtable discussion in Scranton, Pa.
"Today is the moment for me as a United States senator running for president to put aside the national politics and focus on what's happening down there," Biden said.
-- Biden referred to John McCain as "George" during his vice presidential acceptance speech on Aug. 27, 2008, at the Democratic National Convention in Denver, Co. "Freudian slip, folks, Freudian slip," he explained.
-- Biden confused army brigades with battalions when speaking about Obama's plan for sending troops to Afghanistan.
"Or should we trust Barack Obama, who more than a year ago called for sending two additional combat brigades to Afghanistan?"
-- During his first campaign rally with Obama as his vice presidential running mate on Aug. 23, 2008, Biden introduced Obama by saying, "A man I'm proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next President of the United States -- Barack America!"
-- On Jan. 31, 2007 -- the day Biden announced his presidential bid -- the Delaware Senator was roundly criticized for calling Obama "the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man."
Monday, June 8, 2009
Heidi and Spencer
First off does anybody actually watch this I'm a Celebrity crap? Really? It's a terrible Survivor rip off that casts a bunch of literal nobodies. Who wants to watch this. Plus is it just me or does the show look like its filmed on a soundstage in Burbank? I don't know maybe Costa Rica really does look like the Big Brother house.
FROM EW ONLINE:
NBC and Heidi and Spencer Pratt seem determined to turn I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! into the summer's greatest torture -- for them and for us.
It's been reported that Heidi has been hospitalized in Costa Rica due to an "undisclosed illness" after spending time in the show's "Lost Chamber," a dark punishment room filled with various vermin, to atone for their sin of trying to get out of, and then begging to get back in to, Get Me Out of Here!
On last Thursday's episode, we were told the Pratts would "spend the night" in the chamber, but Pratt sister Stephanie is tweeting that they were "locked in a dark room for three days." Call me a sunny optimist, but this seems unlikely. Stephanie also tweets, "I know they pulled some s----y antics but really nbc? Too far."
Oh, I don't know about that, Steph...
Now it seems that Spencer is now threatning to sue NBC for Torture? Please we the audience should be sueing you for torturing us with your crybaby antics for the past few years, now hurry up, your 15 minutes are at 14:53 and counting.
What do you think? Will you be watching I'm a Celebrity's expanded, two-hour edition tomorrow night?
FYI you can see Britneys boobies here
FROM EW ONLINE:
NBC and Heidi and Spencer Pratt seem determined to turn I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! into the summer's greatest torture -- for them and for us.
It's been reported that Heidi has been hospitalized in Costa Rica due to an "undisclosed illness" after spending time in the show's "Lost Chamber," a dark punishment room filled with various vermin, to atone for their sin of trying to get out of, and then begging to get back in to, Get Me Out of Here!
On last Thursday's episode, we were told the Pratts would "spend the night" in the chamber, but Pratt sister Stephanie is tweeting that they were "locked in a dark room for three days." Call me a sunny optimist, but this seems unlikely. Stephanie also tweets, "I know they pulled some s----y antics but really nbc? Too far."
Oh, I don't know about that, Steph...
Now it seems that Spencer is now threatning to sue NBC for Torture? Please we the audience should be sueing you for torturing us with your crybaby antics for the past few years, now hurry up, your 15 minutes are at 14:53 and counting.
What do you think? Will you be watching I'm a Celebrity's expanded, two-hour edition tomorrow night?
FYI you can see Britneys boobies here
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Old School Videos of the week: Kid Rock Edition
Back from the dead, this is from his "Underrated and unsung" Home video
Champtown was Kid Rock's Hypeman for a bit in the 90's. I still remember him giving me this single backstage at a Kid Rock show around '94.
Champtown was Kid Rock's Hypeman for a bit in the 90's. I still remember him giving me this single backstage at a Kid Rock show around '94.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Best of Craigslist
To the Debt Collector Harrassing me at Work - w4m
Date: 2009-05-07, 3:48PM EDT
Your voice is quite charming in a sleazy, condescending, I-Get-Paid-To-Harrass-People kind of way. You must be so good with the ladies - I can picture you on a date, with that deep "I am full of self-importance" voice, asking her "So am I to file you under deadbeat mistress because you won't sleep with me after knowing me for an hour?"
I am assuming you are either 1. Just out of college and eager to prove yourself by threatening a faceless person on the telephone, 2. A wannabe lawyer who is not smart enough to ever pass the BAR exam and therefore miserable in life, or 3. Someone who was picked on a lot in high school and believes this job is his calling to get revenge on all those bullies who made life a living hell.
Ours is definitely a missed connection, because after the first threatening phone call, I instructed our receptionist to screen all calls from you. Sad, but where I work, as I informed you several times, I cannot continue to speak to you without raising my voice, and unfortunately I cannot tell you everything I really want to say, as I am in public and do not want my coworkers to hear the trash language I would use.
You see, debt collector, my bills have always been paid on time. I am not a deadbeat, nor do I avoid paying my credit cards. But when you have a bank like Bank of America, who gets $20 billion dollars of US tax payers money, then turns around and changes credit card interest rates from 10% to 29.99% with no explanation, increases the monthly minimum amount due from $150 to $675 and turns your account over to a bottom feeder collection agency after two months because their customer could only pay $300 each of those months, there is a problem.
And the problem does not lie with me. Like millions of other Americans who work hard every single day and are struggling, I am not rolling around on a pile of bailout money. I am not buying up other banks and then changing the credit card rules because I can. I am not an executive of Bank of America who lives in a $4 million mansion and flies to exotic places on a private jet while millions of people lose their homes and their lives.
I am, in fact, a college-educated professional who is completely dumbfounded by the state of this country. In fact, I bet the money you say I owe that I am more educated, smarter and make more money than you. I simply don't make enough to pay you the thousands of dollars you claim I owe you today "or else". By the way - those fees and surcharges totalling more than $2000 that you tacked on to my Bank of America account balance is not going to fly.
So here's what I shall do to ensure that we are not just another missed connection.
The next time you call me at work, I will take you call. I will also record the call, since it is illegal for you to continue calling at my place of employment once I have requested that you stop.
I will submit the tape to my attorney, along with my intent to sue you for harrassment, threats and stalking, along with emotional distress (I had to have two glasses of wine to calm my nerves after your call!)
And then I will sit back with my family, relax and know that eventually, this matter will be settled and behind me, and I will continue my life of love and laughter.
You, on the other hand, will still be at your dirty little desk, dressed in your dingy suit and tie, calling other "deadbeats" and lashing out at them because it makes your own pitiful little life seem less empty.
* Location: Basking in the Economy
Date: 2009-05-07, 3:48PM EDT
Your voice is quite charming in a sleazy, condescending, I-Get-Paid-To-Harrass-People kind of way. You must be so good with the ladies - I can picture you on a date, with that deep "I am full of self-importance" voice, asking her "So am I to file you under deadbeat mistress because you won't sleep with me after knowing me for an hour?"
I am assuming you are either 1. Just out of college and eager to prove yourself by threatening a faceless person on the telephone, 2. A wannabe lawyer who is not smart enough to ever pass the BAR exam and therefore miserable in life, or 3. Someone who was picked on a lot in high school and believes this job is his calling to get revenge on all those bullies who made life a living hell.
Ours is definitely a missed connection, because after the first threatening phone call, I instructed our receptionist to screen all calls from you. Sad, but where I work, as I informed you several times, I cannot continue to speak to you without raising my voice, and unfortunately I cannot tell you everything I really want to say, as I am in public and do not want my coworkers to hear the trash language I would use.
You see, debt collector, my bills have always been paid on time. I am not a deadbeat, nor do I avoid paying my credit cards. But when you have a bank like Bank of America, who gets $20 billion dollars of US tax payers money, then turns around and changes credit card interest rates from 10% to 29.99% with no explanation, increases the monthly minimum amount due from $150 to $675 and turns your account over to a bottom feeder collection agency after two months because their customer could only pay $300 each of those months, there is a problem.
And the problem does not lie with me. Like millions of other Americans who work hard every single day and are struggling, I am not rolling around on a pile of bailout money. I am not buying up other banks and then changing the credit card rules because I can. I am not an executive of Bank of America who lives in a $4 million mansion and flies to exotic places on a private jet while millions of people lose their homes and their lives.
I am, in fact, a college-educated professional who is completely dumbfounded by the state of this country. In fact, I bet the money you say I owe that I am more educated, smarter and make more money than you. I simply don't make enough to pay you the thousands of dollars you claim I owe you today "or else". By the way - those fees and surcharges totalling more than $2000 that you tacked on to my Bank of America account balance is not going to fly.
So here's what I shall do to ensure that we are not just another missed connection.
The next time you call me at work, I will take you call. I will also record the call, since it is illegal for you to continue calling at my place of employment once I have requested that you stop.
I will submit the tape to my attorney, along with my intent to sue you for harrassment, threats and stalking, along with emotional distress (I had to have two glasses of wine to calm my nerves after your call!)
And then I will sit back with my family, relax and know that eventually, this matter will be settled and behind me, and I will continue my life of love and laughter.
You, on the other hand, will still be at your dirty little desk, dressed in your dingy suit and tie, calling other "deadbeats" and lashing out at them because it makes your own pitiful little life seem less empty.
* Location: Basking in the Economy
R.I.P. Kwai Chang Caine
We will always miss you...
EDIT: It appears David Carridine has upped his Master Factor in the Desks eyes by joining former INXS frontman Michael Hutchence in dying from Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation. Master.
He also Joins Jeffey Marc Shapiro
EDIT: It appears David Carridine has upped his Master Factor in the Desks eyes by joining former INXS frontman Michael Hutchence in dying from Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation. Master.
He also Joins Jeffey Marc Shapiro
Saturday, May 30, 2009
OLD SCHOOL SATURDAY
Today we bring more old school funk for dat azz. This goes out to Black Mamba, show 'em what you got boy.
Friday, May 29, 2009
What does that mean?
Now we here at the Desk don't condone cyber-stalking, but if you ever find yourself being cornered by WJAR 10 in a costume shop, here is what you do.
Awesome, I mean awesome.
Awesome, I mean awesome.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Best of Craigslist...
We Met at last Nights Orgy But did Not Get your Name - m4w
Date: 2009-04-13, 2:14PM EDT
I wanted to talk to you, but you are so much more attractive than most of the middle-aged has-beens in last night's pile that I couldn't get a moment alone, or even as part of a threesome or foursome with you. There was a brief moment, while you were reverse cowgirling that old guy and jerking off two midgets while orally satisfying the butch chick in the leather chaps, when our eyes met, and it was magic.
First, I want to be clear that I wasn't calling you a filthy whore, it was the woman I was doggy-styling, and that was only after her repeated insistence that I talk dirty to her. I promise I would treat you more respectfully than that.
I also want to make clear that I don't normally go down on other guys, but since you were taken and she was the only other attractive woman there, and part of the package was that her husband had to get in on the action, well, desperate times call for desperate acts...
Anyway, the point is, I think I love you. I know, we've not met, and I don't think any of my semen actually ended up in you, though we can't be sure of that, now can we, but probably not, so that makes us complete strangers. But there was that moment, that electric moment, before you started to gyrate wildly and cry out in some foreign language (was that French? I love French), and before I had to take on that unsavory but necessary oral task that I'd just as soon forget, except for this persistent heartburn I've got today, when we connected, and it was as if I could see into your soul, and you into mine.
So can't we give it a try? All I'm asking for is a cup of coffee. And perhaps a threesome, if your roommate is hot, or if we meet a sexy stranger on the street. But let's just start by getting to know each other, okay?
* Location: DC
Date: 2009-04-13, 2:14PM EDT
I wanted to talk to you, but you are so much more attractive than most of the middle-aged has-beens in last night's pile that I couldn't get a moment alone, or even as part of a threesome or foursome with you. There was a brief moment, while you were reverse cowgirling that old guy and jerking off two midgets while orally satisfying the butch chick in the leather chaps, when our eyes met, and it was magic.
First, I want to be clear that I wasn't calling you a filthy whore, it was the woman I was doggy-styling, and that was only after her repeated insistence that I talk dirty to her. I promise I would treat you more respectfully than that.
I also want to make clear that I don't normally go down on other guys, but since you were taken and she was the only other attractive woman there, and part of the package was that her husband had to get in on the action, well, desperate times call for desperate acts...
Anyway, the point is, I think I love you. I know, we've not met, and I don't think any of my semen actually ended up in you, though we can't be sure of that, now can we, but probably not, so that makes us complete strangers. But there was that moment, that electric moment, before you started to gyrate wildly and cry out in some foreign language (was that French? I love French), and before I had to take on that unsavory but necessary oral task that I'd just as soon forget, except for this persistent heartburn I've got today, when we connected, and it was as if I could see into your soul, and you into mine.
So can't we give it a try? All I'm asking for is a cup of coffee. And perhaps a threesome, if your roommate is hot, or if we meet a sexy stranger on the street. But let's just start by getting to know each other, okay?
* Location: DC
ARTIST OF THE WEEK: Cage
Welcome to Artist of the week. This week it is Brooklyn native Cage.
Check his website here ChrisPalko.com
Cage's new album drops in July, his EP I never Knew You is available as a free download at mtvu.com. Get it.
Check his website here ChrisPalko.com
Cage's new album drops in July, his EP I never Knew You is available as a free download at mtvu.com. Get it.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Beastie Boys
Any longtime member of the Desk knows we are the Biggity Biggest fans of the Beasties. This is why it upsets to see they dropped so much knowledge on that douche Jimmy Fallons show. First off they drop that they have a new album coming in September called "Hot Sauce Committee", but then they drop that they also have a second album also coming out with Ladies Love Cool James and Cool Herc, and he fails to ask a follow up question, just says cool. asshole, ask followup questions, whos on these albums, is it rap, instramental, punk, the second albums sounds as if it might be a duet type album which brings up the question which album is Santogold singing on? These are questions that need answered and Jimmy is not the type to ask these questions. Of course as we all know the Beasties are not ones to answer such questions.
At least we got this.
Still not quite as sweet as the Letterman '04 performance
At least we got this.
Still not quite as sweet as the Letterman '04 performance
Owls are creepy...
I mean the media always portrays them as so sweet and wise. I'm sorry but they are just creepy...
Monday, May 25, 2009
iSnort worlds gayest iphone app
Unless it has the Charlie Chaplin effect then it'd be the greatest app ever!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Star Wars vs. Star Trek?
Who would win in a fight? The Enterprise, or the Death Star
I meant the Death Star has Tractor Beam, but the Enterprise has Anti-Tractor beam so it equals out.
In theory the Enterprise would be able to just fly around to the opposite side and fire at will.
I meant the Death Star has Tractor Beam, but the Enterprise has Anti-Tractor beam so it equals out.
In theory the Enterprise would be able to just fly around to the opposite side and fire at will.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Old School Saturday Morning
Welcome to old School Hip Hop Saturday Morning. Today we got a few classics. Enjoy and hopefully you'll learn something. I'm talking to you Soulja Boy Tell 'em (is that really your name now, 'Tell 'em' you my friend are a retard)
Friday, May 22, 2009
Jack Kerouac was a Fantasy Baseball fiend!!!!
Apparently decades before the "sport" caught on, Jack Kerouac was creating his own fantasy baseball leagues that only he was involved in. Fascinating.
For more info on this http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/16/books/16kero.html?_r=2
2 of our favorites come back soon
2 of our favorite shows at the Desk come back soon.
True Blood on the 14th on HBO
What the hell was chasing Sookie? Was it that crazy lady/witch? WTF!
and Weeds on the 8th
True Blood on the 14th on HBO
What the hell was chasing Sookie? Was it that crazy lady/witch? WTF!
and Weeds on the 8th
Muscle March? Only the greatest WiiWare game of all time!
Oh no! A pro football player has stolen your protein shake. Go get it back! It was probably that evil Pacman Jones. He's always stealing pencils and shit off the desk and running with it.
Hot for Teacher Nite!
Apparently the Desks old friend Mary K Letourneau is hosting a "Hot for teacher nite" at a local Seattle club. We here at the Desk have just one thing to say about this...Awesome! We so wish we lived closer to Seattle so we could be there. The one part of the story that the newspapers seem to skip over is that our personal hero Vili Fualaau apparently is also known as "DJ Headline" and is DJ'ing the event.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Ricky Rubio #1?
Sources outta the Clippers organization have stated that they are considering taking Oh-Ricky u so fine with the #1 in this upcoming draft, while we hear at the desk don't believe such rumors, it sounds like a Clipper-esque move. Judge Ricky for yourself.
Welcome to my Blog
What up fellas. Welcome to my new blog.
Eminems album has apparently already dropped 650K in a little over 2 days of being released. Congrats Em. Reppin' tha D.
He of course doesn't rep the D as much as this guy. Got to see him last night
Eminems album has apparently already dropped 650K in a little over 2 days of being released. Congrats Em. Reppin' tha D.
He of course doesn't rep the D as much as this guy. Got to see him last night
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